Wednesday, December 20, 2017


You left and the world kept turning. For me that was the hardest part. You told me to be strong when you were gone- but that is actually the hardest part. I cry instantly at the thought of you, even in the mid of time I studying for my final papers. I miss you so much.

A lot has changed and it's only been almost nine months since you passed. But it will always feel like yesterday. Why is that? And yet, in all this difficulty, there's a part of me that decides to move forward & to continue to thrive. I believe that part is you.

So I remember your love and your kindness and I make sure to pass that on to everyone I encounter. I remember you when I'm studying and actually most of time I miss you dad. I miss our talks, whats come across on my mind, I can freely tell you, share with you. You know right why I still continue this journey? because I want to make your old times happily & no need to works hard again. But, I have no chance to do that :'( 

I cry so hard right now.

And for some reason, there is no doubt in mind that somehow I will see you again. So goodbye for now.

Love and miss you incredibly, Dad. 💛 

Saturday, December 31, 2016


Every year when its comes to end of the year. I will said times fly so fast. This year was different. But I still just a small girl who been called kila, shabeera, shebie, shabeb & others nickname what i trying to say that, i was happy for what happen to me this year. I felt blessed with what I have. I have family whose never stop make me laugh so hard. Well, sometimes problem hit, its okay! I know they loved me as much as i granted my life for them nobody in this world doesnt have problem, everyone have one, two or more that that. Like me, where to eat at this evening also a problem Now, i am in third year degree, senior in rotu, devil sister, faithful member, stranger. what i want to do in this year, i already do. I can said that my wishes for 2016 is accomplished! Yeahh 🙌🙌🙌 One of the biggest dream is----------------------- I want to be selected as one of the student for exchange student outbound. Checked☑ Frankly said, i love the memories there & hope in future, being a traveler again soon, perhaps in 2017. what`s next country? Hehehe. Every step while traveling, places, persons i met, things i saw,  different view, different lifestyle, the money that i invest for, raining or sunny day, awake or sleepy, scared or confidence. I am typically a person who have many question in mind. so many. Those things answer my weird question. I can said I am so obsessed with traveling.This new hobby so expensive yet more precious. I need to make a hard saving so, every year i can fly over the world. 

When I am getting older, i always lost my words to say. i pretend everyone can understand what i am talking about. what happen, i just keep itself. what hurt me, i just cry to let the anger out. Back then, i always offense for what others say about even they take as a jokes. But, if i keep being like that, i pretty sure, I NOT WHO I AM RIGHT NOW. As long as i true to myself, i already won. i think its enough. Actually nobody really cares, it just you, yourself. Through 2016, the person who I thought will never let me down is the reason  i easily give up. The person that I make most important, special in life just throw me away like a rubbish. I think that person need to consider that he should not underestimated my ability to throw away him too. I do not know whats hurt the most, being hurt or being broken apart. I really sure once I really-seriously to move on, i will never look back. Well, sometimes, people only appreciate once it gone, regret when realizes it so priceless to have someone who knows your worst, flaws but still think you re amazing. Take your time until the time up!

It is a longgggg time i left for drawing. I hope in 2017, i will start again draw, paint and typogrphy. and books. I really love the smell of books. Perhaps in 2017, the wishes can be true and smooth like this one, 2016. Most of the things, to the people who struggle with their faith and feel lost, I pray that you find your peace and that you never have to feel lost again. I hope that God heals whatever is hurting you. Whatever is causing all those precious tears to fall from your eyes; whatever is breaking your heart, if it’s stress, anxiety, pain, illness, sadness, worry, the loss of a loved one,  anything.
I pray that God heals all that is causing your distress and that He gives you something greater in return.

P/S: The prospects I can already see for myself in 2017 are exciting me ;)

Monday, December 28, 2015



Tahun paling byk dugaan. Ya Allah. Sorang demi sorang ahli keluarga pergi. Azmin, Kak kila rinduu aminn. Hmmmm. Mase tahu dy dah takde, Allah jeh tahu cmneh teruknye akue nanges. Sedangkan tgah taip neh puns dah nangis. Semoga Amin tenang kt sane ye dik. Kak Kila sies rindu Amin. Kadang kadang kt rumah tuh, Kak Kila terlupe, mcm nakk terpanggil Amin jeh, tapi Amin takde dah kt dunia. Al Fatihah.

Kat mne puns dalam dunia neh kau pergi, Home always be the best place ever. What the most surprised in 2015, baru akue tahu akue sanggup berkorban ape saje demi family. I thought I will care more about the guy I love since form4 but its surprised myself. Tyme tuh, akue takde pk pun sbnrnye nyawa akue dihujung tanduk jehh. Trust me, family is your strengths. Akue puns sangat bersyukur dpt big family yg sangat support gegile life akue. Even sbnrnye byk dugaan yg kami kena hadap dlm tahun ni, we still united. Gituuu. Happiness is not about how many money you have, how rich you are, its enough just be grateful what you have now because some people doesnt have happy fmily. Happy me.

Palapes. Mmg betul betul have a big impact on my life. Serious weh. Akue rase sebabkan ini laa kut akue segagah gini. Kahkahkah. Come on, join palapes! Experience yg kau akan dpt, takkan dpt kt memane. Sehari kau dlm palapes, dah ajar memacam tntang survival& friendship. Just kena bertahan jeh. Hee'.
Orang kate no pain no gain. Sure, makin besar makin byk bnde yg akan menyakitkan kau. Satu jeh nak ckp, hadap saje. Hahahahaha. Lpas tuh gelaklaa.

Trust is important. Once you lost my trust, you will never get back. Akue harap akue takkterlalu percaya dah kt orang. Basically, I believe generally people are born to be kind. Ok, dunia kan. Takde org baek jeh. After this, I will treat people just they way she/he treat me. Well. Give-take. Sbab manusia skrg semakin kejam, kau takboleh lembut. Tapi just be kind je ok. 

Whenever happy or terrible things happen, its blessing from Allah. Keep hope in Him. Never stop pray, He listen. Never ever blame on Him when your wishes not be what you want. He knows better and only.-Dr Mahmudul Alam(2015). 

        Sometimes, making others happy can heal my pains. But, dont ever break someone's happiness just to fix yourself. Unless, you want to felt how to felt broken too . Hehe. Dont make fun of others life,we know nothing what they fighting for. Just be kind. Stay humble to the earth. I learned a lot. More than what I said in this post. What I hope in 2016. I still have my family besides. I have friends that stick by me. Im know, it gonna be tough than this year, so, I hope Im still strong and more stronger to face it. I hope I doesn't know what is giving up but just keep going. I hope whenever or whatever stuck me, I dont hold my tear back but let it down on my face. Let it go and start all over again. I hope what I dream, what I plan to do in 2016 will be come true. Most of the memories in 2015 will stay memories but leaved a big impact on me. 2015 taught to be better me. Thanks who still stay with me. I'm really appreciate.